Mother's Day (The opinion of an infertile and childless woman)

So.....I am not a fan of Mother's Day. It is actually my least favorite holiday. Going to church, listening to talks about motherhood, listening to the Primary children sing to their mothers. Having to stand up and be recognized and then get a little treat. At least this year it wasn't an indoor plant that will most likely die by tomorrow. All the moms walking around talking about what their children did for them. The homemade gifts. If you haven't guessed by now, I really do not enjoy Mother's Day.

Mother's Day is just a hard day for me. It is another reminder that I do not have children. That I am not a mother and I don't have a bunch of littles calling me "Mommy". I went to church today, listened to my Primary children sing to their moms, and then did two hours of sharing time where I helped these children make gifts for their moms. I was happy to do it!! I love these children. They are the highlight of my week!! However, when I came home after 4 hours of church, I was emotionally spent. I sat down in my living room and just started crying. I came home to my loving husband and sweet little dog. But now children. No homemade cards or gifts. No breakfast in bed or flowers. It was pretty lonely. It makes me sad inside. It hurts my heart and it feels like my heart is breaking into a million little pieces all over again.

This Mother's Day, however, was a little bit easier. I already had the mind set that i was going to be focusing on others instead of myself which always seems to make our trials a little easier to bear. A friend at church told me she wasn't going to come to church today, but when she saw that I was, even after all that we have been through, she decided she could do it too. That made me feel so good inside!! And made me feel like I was making a difference. Yesterday, I received a card in the mail form my sister in law with pictures of my sweet nephews and letting me know how much they loved me. I was so touched. I received numerous texts throughout the day letting me know that I was loved and that I was supported.

But the best surprise of all was after church. As I said, when I came home, I was in the middle of my emotional breakdown when the doorbell rang. My first thought was that I didn't want to see anyone but my husband will welcome anyone in. Coming down the hallway were two of my dear friends carrying 5 plants. One for each of my babies. I broke down right then and there. They told me these flowers would come up each year and I could be reminded each year that I was still, indeed, a mother and that I will always remembered. Words cannot adequately express my gratitude for these thoughtful friends. On a day where I see so many of my friends remembered for their sacrifice and selflessness, I feel kind of lost in the shuffle. These amazing friends proved to me otherwise.

I still don't enjoy Mother's Day and this will still be a hard day for me in the coming years. However, there are things about Mother's Day that I do love:

- I have several friends who are amazing mothers and are incredible examples to me. They still struggle and have their hard time, but they still do their best.
- I am reminded that I have been blessed with an incredible mother who has taught me to be selfless, giving, loving, and nurturing.
- I have been blessed with a mother in law who raised a boy into a wonderful man. Had she not done that, I would not have my husband.
- I am reminded that even though I struggle with this day, I have an incredible support system.
- I may not have my own children, but I have 44+ kids that I have the opportunity to nurture and love and teach every week. What a wonderful blessing!

On the hardest day of the year, I am still truly and eternally grateful for my Father in Heaven. I may not have been blessed with the desires of my heart at this time, but I do know one thing......that he loves me. He knows my heart and he knows how to strengthen me when I need it most. I am grateful for my faith and knowledge that if not in the life, but the next, I will be able to raise my children. I cannot even imagine what my life would be like without this knowledge.