I know what I am. I'm a daughter, wife, sister, aunt, friend, and a Child of God.
But see, I am a 38 year old woman, married 18 years to my best friend and love my life, have done 3 rounds of failed IVF, looked at adoption, and foster care which all didn't quite work out. We are taught, in the Mormon faith, from the age of 12 that we are to get married in the temple to righteous young man and have a family. Well......I did the temple part.
As I'm nearing 40, and don't worry.....we haven't taken children out of the picture yet, I still have to wonder my purpose. I'm not really a mom, in the physical sense. I do have a little dog so that kind of counts and 5 babies in heaven. But if there are not to be anymore options for children, I have to look at my life in a different way and look down a different path. (Again, that door hasn't closed yet)
A friend of mine and I were discussing this the other night and she had a lot of good thought and insight given my situation. I really did appreciate what she had to say and I really loved her perspective.
However, later that night, I read a post on social media that really upset me. It was a post on infertility which was fine and it was a very open post. But then......there was a statement that stated "a woman's SOLE and ONLY purpose on this Earth is to bare children". This took me back. It kind of shook me to my core and knocked me down. And all I could think was.......What about me? We've tried that and it hasn't worked. And it wasn't just because of my health problems. It also stated that you have to be "mentally, physically, and spiritually prepared". Well.....we were! We had faith that could move mountains! We worked hard to be healthy, mentally, and spiritually prepared and it still didn't work. So do I not even have a purpose because I'm broken?
As I read this post, I wrote out comments and deleted them. I know this post wasn't directed at me. This individual was sharing their story and experience. But it still came across as very bold and direct and almost.....judgemental.
As I laid in bed after reading this post, I really thought about it and about why we are here on this Earth. Why Heavenly Father created this plan for us. Why did we come to this place knowing all the trials and challenges and demons we would face. Why in the world would I even want to live such a painful yet joyous life?
Because I said I would. Plain and simple. I knew the consequences and the challenges and I still said YES. I said give me everything you've got and I will persevere because I knew there would be plan for me to return. No matter how difficult things would get, there would be the Savior and His Atonement.
So here's the deal.......we each have our own path to follow. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and He knows what He is doing. He can see the big picture when we we can just see a tiny scene.
So, maybe I don't know my purpose yet. But it's ok because I know that HE knows and as long as I have faith and continue to follow Him......and it won't always be easy, so I've learned........He will help me through.
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